Does your partner speak the language of affirmation? Does criticism hurt him more than you think it should? If you answered ‘yes’, I know a way to make him a spontaneous gift: praise him in the presence of others, e.g. on Facebook.
Since I got engaged, or maybe even earlier, I have been interested in relationships: what to do to help them survive; how to make them a source of power and joy. I have read numerous how-to books on the topic (I recommend two of them in the for couples tab) and participated in many conferences, where I have learned dozens of great hints. Unfortunately, it is not so easy to implement them all. Maybe that is why I was so touched by a video recorded by a Polish priest entitled “How to lose your husband“. The video presents numerous wise anti-recommendations, one of which I would like to stress today:
“Remember to question his skills and authority, at best in the company of others.”
There is probably no better way to hurt a man’s pride. Especially if the given man speaks the language of affirmation (which is probably the most popular love language among men). We – females – often think that when we pick on our partner jokingly in order to make relatives or friends laugh, it should be like water off a duck’s back. In truth, in such situations, men are nowhere near ducks and are in their rage more like ferocious bulls than indifferent fowls.
How can it be avoided?
First of all, don’t ever do it, especially in the company of others!
Why do I write about it here?
Because if you can do so much harm by running someone down, you can do as much good by praising him in the presence of others.
How do other people do it?
Since the day they got married (or even before that), the Piech family shares with others their experience of being together in a creative way. I have met Maciej not so long ago when he made one of my literary dreams come true. I have to admit that I don’t follow their vlog regularly, but their recent Facebook posts moved me and were a direct inspiration for this post.
What exactly did they write?
Maciej wrote how much he appreciated his wife for waking up in the middle of the night to tend to their baby, her care and love for him, and Karolina thanked him for sharing household chores and other duties. Many people perceive such behaviour as normal and not worth talking about as long as everything runs smoothly. They, in contrast, not only thanked one another but also did so in public.
When you tell your partner how wonderful he is, he might suspect you do it to make him happy or to try to drum up something. When you do it disinterestedly in public, no one has any doubts this is what you really think.
It is possible that the Piechs agreed to write such thank-you and praise posts for one another. But even if they had and it hadn’t been as spontaneous as it looked like, I definitely felt inspired, and now I want to encourage you:
Praise your second half for what he/she is proud of or for what you value him/her most when you are among friends, at a family party or on Facebook. You won’t need to wait long for the effects. I am sure that he/she will be as overjoyed as if he/she received the best gift ever.